You have a starting point and then what seems like an end point that you want to reach. You want to reach this straight away “take me to the end!”
I remember the song I used to listen to and repeat constantly
“wake me up when it’s all over” ….when I’m wiser and I’m older (tune!)
However that’s the fantasy world, the middle ground is the reality and the reality is hard work.
When I was caught up in my confusion surrounding a single parent/ex-wife title (fun), I saw where I should get to and the beliefs I had within, I knew where I needed to progress. But I needed to grieve….and I held back from this heart wrenching pain. My middle ground stood still for a while as it felt too dark to address the pain I felt of what I had gone through. I was scared if I addressed the pain I would spiral into the darkness forever.
The awful question emerged of “what did I do wrong for this to happen…”
The darkness came in waves, I suppressed a lot of pain to be able to function as a single parent and as an actual human! I needed to be ok…the healing process took a while for me personally because of these things, however it took the time it did for me and everyone is so very different. I was scared, scared of reality, scared of letting go and scared of the unknown.
The numbness of confusion.
Scary to parent on my own, a 1yr old, who’s main responsibility was now me.
I got through the last 3yrs helping my boy grow, training him and nurturing his beautiful personality. The pride I get when I stop and recognise how much iv done is actually remarkable. If you know me well, I’m not keen on complimenting myself! But this is something I have done well!
You should take time to reflect and see “what have you done?” there will be something to grab onto that you are proud of and this will help you focus away from the darkness. Mine is my boy.
The voices in your head are wrong, you are good enough and you can get through this. The negative voices…they are actually your own voices, you are in control of them.
So the middle ground…the hardest work you will ever do, it certainly is the hardest I have ever worked at anything. In the middle ground phase my focus was my son, which I feel so fortunate that I had such a big drive.
“Wake me up when it’s all over?”
NO. to get towards an end point you have to work in the middle. Never give up! There is no easy avenue, there is no free pass to the end unfortunately. I wish there was as I would have brought it!
Work work work and keep fighting, getting back up each time you feel knocked down.
I know you can, as I have and I am.
2 thoughts on “The Middle Ground ”
Most people have to learn to live somewhere in the middle and find a way of accepting it. Finding the fun and positives in who, what and where we are, is what defines. It improves us. Making the most of what you have when you realise you and your life aren’t perfect builds us to become a better, wiser and more complete person.
A quote i like is “pain comes from not accepting reality”. By trying to blindly move on to “when it’s all over” would be great, but the reality is our own mistakes are the cause of our pain. We make our own choices and are accountable for our own lives. The pain, as excruciating and crippling as it can be, is our brains way of teaching us a hard lesson. A child learn not to touch hot things very quickly when they eventually touch something hot and it hurts them. If you sleep through it and wake up when it’s over you’ll make the same choices and mistakes again, going through the same pain until you feel it and let it teach you. There is no way of avoiding that, it has to be felt. The great news is that if you get through it the right way, which you can and will, you will never go back to the lesser person you were.
“Hstory is progress”. I’ve always interpreted that as no matter what wrong turns and choices you made, what you did, you progressed from the outcome in some form. Early man learnt to make fire then later burnt people at the stake using that knowledge. Both taught us what we needed to know to get better. Our own lives, right turns and wrong, are progress.
As a mother, your job is to pass on your knowledge, give your son the gifts of the positive and negative experiences and understanding you have gained, so he has a greater chance of avoiding unnecessary pain. Teach him the meaning of true virtues and watch him grow knowing he will still gather his own knowledge, scars and pain… but be more complete than you could ever dream to be.
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“suffering is not holding you, you are holding suffering” this quote entered my mind when I read your comment. You have to push through the pain and mistakes.
Thank you, I really appreciate your input into this subject, I agree with you, it leads you to where you need to be 🙂