I remember the song I used to listen to and repeat constantly
“wake me up when it’s all over” ….when I’m wiser and I’m older (tune!)
However that’s the fantasy world, the middle ground is the reality and the reality is hard work.
When I was caught up in my confusion surrounding a single parent/ex-wife title (fun), I saw where I should get to and the beliefs I had within, I knew where I needed to progress. But I needed to grieve….and I held back from this heart wrenching pain. My middle ground stood still for a while as it felt too dark to address the pain I felt of what I had gone through. I was scared if I addressed the pain I would spiral into the darkness forever.
The awful question emerged of “what did I do wrong for this to happen…”
The darkness came in waves, I suppressed a lot of pain to be able to function as a single parent and as an actual human! I needed to be ok…the healing process took a while for me personally because of these things, however it took the time it did for me and everyone is so very different. I was scared, scared of reality, scared of letting go and scared of the unknown.
The numbness of confusion.
Scary to parent on my own, a 1yr old, who’s main responsibility was now me.
I got through the last 3yrs helping my boy grow, training him and nurturing his beautiful personality. The pride I get when I stop and recognise how much iv done is actually remarkable. If you know me well, I’m not keen on complimenting myself! But this is something I have done well!
You should take time to reflect and see “what have you done?” there will be something to grab onto that you are proud of and this will help you focus away from the darkness. Mine is my boy.
The voices in your head are wrong, you are good enough and you can get through this. The negative voices…they are actually your own voices, you are in control of them.
So the middle ground…the hardest work you will ever do, it certainly is the hardest I have ever worked at anything. In the middle ground phase my focus was my son, which I feel so fortunate that I had such a big drive.
“Wake me up when it’s all over?”
NO. to get towards an end point you have to work in the middle. Never give up! There is no easy avenue, there is no free pass to the end unfortunately. I wish there was as I would have brought it!
Work work work and keep fighting, getting back up each time you feel knocked down.
I know you can, as I have and I am.