Self-aware of where do I get validation from? Number one answer you must get it from is….YOU ultimately! Yup sounds easy…not so easy it turns out.
On this road of discovery I’ve encountered that I am what we call a “people pleaser”… pleaser of the people! Ah sounds nice, sometimes not so beneficial.
I get a lot out of the relationships I have made with friends and family and especially partners. I think since going through such a journey you reflect and look back on your behaviours. I felt uplifted when someone was proud of me or liked the way I did things. I am very critical on myself and have been for years, so hearing someone else’s words made me tell myself
“see you are good enough…see you are ok….you do actually know what you’re doing!”
..it validated my thoughts, reasons and decisions. If they thought I was doing well I MUST be doing well! To a certain degree this is a good thing to receive from loved ones, however when turned into the only reason you make decisions its then unfolded.
Trust in yourself. Ok this sounds lovely but HOW?
It is a nice human emotion to feel connected to people and for agreements to happen within all subjects of the world. However it is ok to not agree with people and it doesn’t link to failure but a simple matter of opinion. And that is ok. My downfall or realisation of myself is that I found it linked to love and failure within me. If someone didn’t agree I would first question myself
“oh is that not the right way?…oh did I actually do it?….oh I thought that’s what I did?…oh wait now I’m confused”
and second I store it as an act of them not caring or thinking of me, I took it personally.
This has inevitably sent me down some wrong avenues for my self-worth. Relying on approval of others rather than listening to myself and trusting in my decisions and thoughts.
Who is important to you? Redefine who is and create reassurance from those you validate yourself. Getting drawn into other people’s opinions that aren’t important to you is wasted energy.
Stay true to who you are and trust in yourself 🦋
Let go of the curse
I feel cursed by my past…every direction I headed into felt like I was getting dragged back by ‘the curse’
I would be working hard on myself and keep discovering and healing then another blow would hit me and the fear of the curse was right behind me holding me back.
It started tainting my world….what can I do?! Can it ever be gone…when will it get easier?
So I need to STOP calling it my curse and ignoring it has something to do with my past.
Yes I went though a lot but I will not let it define me!!
I am allowing it to be part of me and I refuse that it will affect my life emotionally. Stop connecting it to my life when I feel things go wrong. Things go wrong, as this life sometimes does, it is not the end of the world but the start of a new chapter. Fresh beginning with a different mind set.
I will not let it define me.
How can someone say they love you but not care for you…
How can they kiss you and know their deceit…
How can they hold you and know they long for someone else…
How can they promise you the world and rip it apart…
How can they share dreams and then destroy dreams…
How can they contribute to a life and leave without a thought…
How can they help others but not comfort you…
How can they fall in love but not preserve their love….
How can you leave us and never look back….
Time can heal even the deepest of wounds but time will never give us the understanding of others bad decisions…just the hope that realisation crosses their path into their chosen reality.
Release the darkness.
Questions!! Why is this happening to me? How did it happen?
The never ending questions that can circulate the mind. Endless roads and thoughts, where do they lead? How does it help us?
My mind is always analysing and looking for answers. One of the hardest things I’ve worked on (and still do every day!) is quietening those voices, or acknowledging them, then letting them go. Easier said than done for sure!
I got told once to write things down (hello blog!) and I started writing in my book which is next to my bed, named ‘story of a broken heart’- to the point kind of title. When my husband left me I did not know where to turn or what to do, so I spilled it all out in this book, sometimes it was hard to write the things I was feeling down. For me this helped me a lot to get things out of my head. I even, a few times, recoded myself talking it all out on camera (heavens know where this is right now!)
I have caught myself obsessing over the question in my head going nowhere and I’v literally got to shout STOP!! JUST STOP!
One good question to ask is.. “how are these questions helping me right now?”
Practise quietening the questions…discover what works for you and KEEP GOING!!